Do you think Ichigo is gay?
by mercyn
Summary: Karin always wondered what Ichigo's sexual preference is. So she observes his everyday life and concluded that girls doesn't interest him and therefore he is gay. After talking with Yuzu, the hopeless romantic of the family, they decided to do something about the situation. Whatever it is it's going to drive Ichigo crazy.
1. Prologue

**I'm so sorry. for haven't published or updated anything, and for this long AN. i went on a reading spree and once i started i couldn't stop! what inspired this story was well, i think almost all readers who have read Bleach at some point during their reading wondered if Ichigo is gay. so I went back and read Bleach, everything, and found that if you ignore all the crack pairings, AU fanfics, and non canon fillers and arcs. You'll see that in Ichigo's family's perspective they have almost every reason to believe he's gay. if not then at least question his sexual preferences. So voila! out came this random story. i guess this is a little AU since Karin and Yuzu knows of their brother's shinigami activities that means they also know about Kon. oh well, enjoy and please R&R. **

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"Yuzu, do you think Ichi-nii is gay?" Karin asked lying on her bed. The answer was immediate and expected.

"Oh my gosh! Why would you think that Karin-chan? Onii-chan is _**absolutely**_ straight." Karin's twin Yuzu said. Not believing what she just heard.

"But he is gay. I just know it." Karin insisted.

"Then prove it."

"Well, can you prove he's _not_ gay? All the signs are there this whole time and they all point to the facts that he swings the other way." Karin said.

"Oh really, what are the signs then?"

"Let's start with this: he's never gone out with a single girl. It's unbelievable! His love life, or lack of it, is pathetic. With his 'drop dead' looks and 'sexy aura', women should be killing each other just to have a chance to go on a date with him. He'll be old enough to vote next birthday. He can defeat captains, a butterfly man and impossible odds, yet he hasn't gone on one date in his entire life? I don't understand it. I also don't want to lose my virginity before my brother, whom is four years older than me, does. But looking at how the situation is progressing that possibility is not that low anymore." Karin threw her hands up in frustration.

"So what if he never dates Karin-chan. He still gets confessions." Yuzu argued.

"That he rejects. Face it Yuzu, Ichi-nii don't like girls. He's seventeen and a guy. You clean every inch of his room every week right?" Karin started pacing back and forth in the room, like an investigator trying to figure something out. Yuzu nodded from her side of the room.

"Did you find any lubes, dirty magazines or pornos?" Karin asked.

Yuzu's face flushed at such a question but shook her head anyway.

"No you don't. Exactly. What kind of healthy teenage boy doesn't masturbate or have some kind of curiosity towards the opposite sex. That alone makes me 90% sure he's gay."

At her brother's defense Yuzu protest. "But he does have an interest in girls. He brings girls home with him. And up to his room too. Alone."

"Yeah, but that was Tatsuki-chan. They've been best friends since elementary so she technically doesn't count." Karin countered.

"He brought home Rukia-nee."

"She has been living in Ichi-nii's closet before she lived with us. Ichi-nii during that time didn't act any nervous at all at the prospect of a girl sleeping in the same room as him. So it's safe to say Ichi-nii's doesn't have an interest in girls."

"It could be that he hasn't met the person he'll be interested in."

"What are you talking about he already met the one girl who is every guys dream." Karin shouted.

"Who?"

"Orihime-chan, who else. Her bahoobies are like wowza! cup with an exclamation point. He's around her almost every day and doesn't have any reaction at all. No flustering, no blushing, no nothing. That's absurd."

"What if he doesn't look at Orihime-chan that way." Yuzu asked.

"It's fine if he doesn't feel that way towards her emotionally. But he should have _some_ physical reaction down there. Usually men can't control their urges. If he can look at those two melons and not respond in any way he is obviously gay."

"But what if onii-chan doesn't get attracted to big boobs?"

"Orihime just doesn't have a great figure she also has a good personality. All in all she's in a different league from the other girls. If you can find a girl well-endowed more than Orihime I'll shit bricks."

Yuzu started opening her mouth but was cut off, "close to his _age_."

Yuzu closed her mouth. Oh.

"No, wait. You know how he disappears all the time. He could be meeting his secret lover!" Yuzu announced after a bit of thinking.

"That's impossible Yuzu. He's always going out to train or to kill Hollows. He didn't have time before and during the war to have a lover. And after the war he's too depressed to go find a girl to cheer him up." Karin shot down the idea immediately.

"Well, that's true. Wait, then Ichi-nii has no reason for us to believe that he's _not _gay." Yuzu said in horror.

"Good, now that we're on the same page and settle the fact that he's gay. Let's focus on the question of **whom**."

"No Karin-chan. Don't jump into conclusions. What else could he be if he isn't gay or interested in girls? Let's eliminate all possibilities before accepting that he's gay." Yuzu proposed.

Angry Karin said. "What else could he be then?"

After a few minutes of brainstorming a horrible thought crossed Karin's mind. "Oh my god Yuzu you don't suppose Ichi-nii is not gay but… im- _impotent._" She choked out the last word as a whisper as if it was literally hurting her to say it.

A gasp from Yuzu, "you're right. What if he really does want to get turned on but can't." she cried horrified.

"Oh my gosh Yuzu, our brother is a limp dick!"

Determined suddenly Yuzu jumped off her bed and grabbed her sister's hands. "Karin-chan we cannot let this happen to our brother. No matter whatever it takes we will cure his impotentness."

Squeezing back Karin said with the same conviction, "That's right Yuzu we are his younger sisters. He looks out for us all this time. Now it's our turn to look after him…or more specifically his love life."

"You know what this mean, right?"

"Of course Yuz, as lame as it sounds from now on we are his cupids."

"Yes, or in another term, his pimps. Our mission: to hook up onii-chan with a girl so they can live happily ever after. Make lots of beautiful babies. And finally turn me into an aunt."

"We will not stop until it's done." Karin said.

"Agreed."

"To Ichigo's future!" they both said in unison, but then soon realized a problem.

_Who are we gonna hook him up with?_

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**So what do you guys think, review so i know and also say if you want this story to continue. i have most of the plot set out. all i need is suggestions on the people who Ichigo well be hooked up with. you can suggest any person and i mean _anyone_. the one with the most votes will be portrayed next chapter. thanks for reading and ooh, look, they changed the review thing again. why don't you try it out. :)**_  
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**MERCYN  
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	2. The list

**Hello people. if you think that this took a long time to be updated, well think again. because without the help of FrostyNight98 this chapter would be up sometime in the weekend. So give a round of applause for my awesomely great beta! **

**Then I would like to thank you guys reading too, 9 reviews for one chapter? that's wonderful! the most I have ever got for only 1000 words (not including AN). Those reviews helped me made this chapter, thank you for the suggestions. if your suggested character did not come up in the list, I'm sorry but that means I have something else planned for them. THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! **

**Since I did not have time to bake cyber cookies here's the next chapter, unfortunately it's only a list. no romance yet. think of it like a bridge chapter between the prologue and the actual dating chapters. please R&R and enjoy :)**

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The twins were in their bedrooms, lying on the floor, each with a writing utensil in hand and a piece of paper between them.

"Hmm, let's make a list of everybody Ichi-nii knows. All of those that have even the _slightest_ chance of him falling in love with." Karin said twirling a pencil in her hands.

"_Everyone_?" said her sister, face scrunching up in a questioning look.

"_Yes_ everyone- including the guys. We're not ruling out the gay part yet."

"Okay. Two columns then, girls here and boys there." Yuzu said. She drew a line down the middle of the paper and labeled both parts.

"Alright, I know we have to have Orihime-chan, and Rangiku, and Rukia. Maybe that girl he goes to school with- Michiru what's her face." Karin wrote down the names on the paper on the girl's side.

"How about Tatsuki, maybe their relationship will turn to something more. You know the cliché I-just-feel-more-than-friends-as-time-move-on kind of thing!" Yuzu said gleefully as she envisioned a touching confession and a running-to-the-sunset themed happy ending. She wrote down Tatsuki's name too-in her elegant hand writing of hers.

"Now, who else?" Karin asked slightly annoyed that she didn't get to say her opinion.

"Well for the boys, Uryuu Ishida." Yuzu declared.

"Wait why Ishida? He _hates_ Ichigo." Karin complained, now the one who's confused.

"Karin don't you get it? Ishida-san could be secretly in love with onii-chan. Arguing could just be a way to release pent up sexual tension. You _know_ in a total tsundere kind of way!" Yuzu was now in the realm of the hopeless romantic and Karin was getting kind of scared. Yuzu was animatedly describing (in detail) how each action of the Quincy amounts to some romantic attraction to her brother. She shook her head to dispel the momentary chill she felt while watching Yuzu.

"Yeah you _do_ get that kind of vibe from him and they're always up in each other's face, and while we're on the in your face subject, why not the pineapple. He and Ichi-nii fight so close it's almost like their _kissing_." Karin scowled at the thought.

"Okay, I think his name was Renji-kun. Oh that reminds me what about his taicho? The dreamy, super delicious looking noble!" *le gasp, Yuzu jumped up suddenly, startling Karin. "Oh my, it's forbidden love! A noble and a peasant striving to be together through the harsh mocking society of the after world. Kyaaa! It's so dramatic!" the butterflies in her stomach start to flutter over the thought of it.

"What about Rukia?" Karin asked, raising an eyebrow, hoping that it would stop her sister's girly antics.

Unfortunately, it just spurred her on even more.

"Ooh that just adds to the excitement, the love triangle! Siblings fighting each other over one person they both love. The rift it would cause and the scandal! Kyyaaa! Add that on top of forbidden love and you have prime live soap opera material! Oh it's so romantic!" Yuzu squealed. Her background was literally all yellowy with pink hearts and cupids serenading to some ancient love song. Forget scared, Karin was officially creeped out.

_Alrighty then, note to self: The Kuchikis are on the bottom of the dating list. _Karin thought trying to look past the glow that was literally gushing out of Yuzu.

"Moving on, how about Yoruichi? No that can't work Kisuke already claimed her…." Karin trailed off.

"Ooh what if Urahara-san is cheating on Yoruichi-san with Ichigo. Ahh, a teacher-student relationship transformed to something more. Or maybe something even better, both Yoruichi-san _and _Urahara-san are cheating each other with onni-chan! That's so _wrong_ yet so _right_!" Yuzu fantasized, her eyes shining and grinning the biggest grin Karin had ever seen on her. Her twisted enthusiasm was honestly terrifying.

Karin sweat-dropped and yelled "Oh, God dammit, Yuzu, will you stop with the 'oohs' and the 'ahhs' and the 'kyaaas'? Focus, woman, _focus_! Now, who else should we add?"

"Chizuru Honsho." Yuzu answered once she calmed down.

Karin stared at her blankly the name wasn't ringing a bell, "...Who?"

"Chizuru-san, the lesbian." Yuzu said matter-of-factly.

"Why the hell would a lesbian fall for Ichigo?" Karin wondered.

"You don't understand love Karin-chan. Ichigo must have tuned into his inner sex god and seduced Chizuru-san until she changed her ways! That's what happened. I mean she was paying attention to him a lot more after the war. They must have snuck away from class somehow, and Ichigo persistently charmed her until she was his lover to command. Our brother loves challenges and what's more challenging than seducing someone who doesn't even like your gender. Hah, the romance of it all!" the self-proclaimed love expert explained feverishly. Her cheeks flushing a little from the M rated thoughts going through her head.

Karin's cheeks were red too, though from a different reason, "I told you to stop with your stupid fantasies! If you don't pay attention and give me some good people that actually makes _sense_, I will take all your precious romance books away and **burn** them."

"No! Not my romance books. They're my babies!" Yuzu cried then pouted, "Fine."

Karin calmed down the redness seeping away; relief was evident in her voice "Thank you, how about we move away from the humans and to…other…non-human people?"

Yuzu agreed, "The Vizards then." she put her finger on her chin in a cute thoughtful pose, "Shinji?"

"Worth a shot, write down his name." the dark-haired twin shrugged.

"What 'bout the other Vizards?" a name flashed through Yuzu's mind, she was such an obvious candidate that Yuzu was surprised she didn't think of her sooner, "Lisa! Write down Lisa's name. She and Ichigo will have, like, a perfect S&M bond. Ooh the female dominant relationship! He'll be totally whipped, literally!" she commanded excitingly. Karin was seriously worrying over her sister's mentality at this point. Looks like she's not as innocent as she led other people to believe. Most women object to porn but they will read the hell out of it.

"_Okay,_ I think that's enough for now. Let's work with this first and we'll go on from there." Karin said in a tone like she wanted this discussion to end as soon as possible.

"Mkay! Karin-chan, don't you think we should prove if Ichi-nii is impotent or not?" Yuzu asked.

"Yeah that's a good idea, like a test. The result will give us a basic ground that we could work on. But I only know one person who could determine that better than anyone else…." Karin's voice faded. Her twin's face lit up as she, too, came to the same conclusion.

"Rangiku," Karin said dejectedly as Yuzu shouted cheerily.

"Ran-chan!"

Karin sighed again, "Looks like I'll have to go talk to Toshiro, and boy, he is not going to be happy."

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**thank you for reading. next chapter is going to be the first date, kind of, since it's like a test, but a date no less. If you have any characters, suggestions, or...scenarios involving Ichigo and Rangiku or Ichigo and anyone else please review and write what you think in the box below. God I sound like those TV commercials. Anyway thank you :D**

**MERCYN **


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